Thursday, August 21

Thursday, August 21
Thursday is get organized day. Jeff is up early to walk the dog, water the plants, feed the kitties and then it’s off to work upstairs and I don’t see him for a lot of the day. Conference calls. I need to catch up on email, bills, sorting mail and some other items and so spend most of the day doing that, along with some other mundane chores. I get the feeling that something is wrong with Jeff but can’t put my finger on it. He seems very standoffish today. We go to CVS on the way to go grocery shopping and, when I ask if something is wrong, it turns out that, yes, Jeff has a beef with me, among some other pretty serious stressors. We have our first argument since the surgery and I am VERY upset about the subject matter. I am not going to share the intimate details, but I DO think it is very, very important for a caregiver to have some sort of stress relief system in place or, at least, find a caregiver support system and/or group so that they do not feel neglected or alone in their un-asked for positions. Jeff claims that I ordered him around and mistreated him in the hospital. I DID NOT DO THIS, I'M POSITIVE. I was extremely careful to be polite and nice because he was doing so much. Now, I feel betrayed. After his accusations, I don’t know how to feel about our time in the hospital because his beef with me regards that time and how he perceived it vs. how I perceived it. He was AWESOME in the hospital, I mean AMAZINGLY patient and giving and was the best nurse I could’ve asked for. I was blown away by the fact that, no matter how many times I had to ask him to do something for me, he was there to do it willingly and lovingly. I constantly thanked him and told him how grateful I was for his care. I told the nurses that he’d developed a halo over his head and wings on his back and told anyone who would listen how lucky I was to have him there. He slept in the room on an uncomfortable chair/bed for all but one or two nights during my stay, and that’s with his shoulder out of whack. I tried to keep the am nurses from waking him but they usually did, anyway, and then he was up in the morning to start all over again. Like I said, absolutely amazing. I told him that I thought he was wonderful VERY often. However, I don’t think he thinks that anyone was looking after him during that time. His birthday came and went during that period with only a bit of a nod and celebration, though I did as much as I could do in my condition, considering. Anyway, the problem extends far beyond that and we are uphappy with one another. The stress can be brutal and I hope that we’ll be able to work this out but I am sooooo upset with him for polluting what I thought was one of the most loving times of our lives with complete misperceptions/fabrications born of caregiver stress. The lesson to learn here is to ask for help for your caregiver, if you are the patient. Most guys are not good at this, so it might be a good idea to offer up the idea for them or make an appointment for them to join a caregiver’s support group so they don’t feel alone. I take my things into the other bedroom for the evening and don’t get much sleep. Into every life, a little rain must fall….