Thursday, July 17, 2008

Thursday 17
I wait until 3pm to call Mandy. When I get her, I tell her, “Leigh called from MD Anderson yesterday morning and she set my appointment for July __, 2008 at _:__pm with Dr. Laura Lambert. She told me that you would be calling me with more details about what to do from here. So, what do I need to know?” Mandy says, “Well, you don’t have an appointment yet, but don’t worry ‘cause we have you on the waiting list, um-kaaaay?” What? I get immediate cold sweats. “Mandy, listen, I’m telling you that I already HAVE an appointment and….( I repeat the appointment information again.) Now I need to know what to do.” “No, you don’t have an appointment.” “Yes, I do and I’m supposed to be there 2 hours beforehand to fill out the paperwork!” “You do? Okay, let me check…..Well, yes, there you are!” Silence. “Yes, and now I need to know what to do next….do I talk with Dr. Lambert’s office, fill out paperwork, what do I need to do now?” She tells me that I will need to have some tests run and will probably need to come in before my appointment with Dr. Lambert and that she will get back with me very soon to let me know when and what I need to do in order to get these tests. I’m frustrated with her ineptitude, but hey, I have an appointment and nothing is going to ruin that mood. I tell her that’s fine, I’ll wait to hear back from her.
(Vewwy interesting: Here's what I wrote ON Thurs. the 17th, before I took it upon myself to play catch-up to this time from the time I got appendicitis. When I wrote this, I had insomnia and was free-thinking and researching:)
7/17/08
Well, I woke up at 4am and the brain started spinning. *sigh* Who is Dr. Laura Lambert, can I talk to her prior to our appointment, what are my odds, is waiting until late July going to result in the spread of this cancer, what might be some of the complications, and OH, my gosh, am I unprepared for this OR WHAT?? I figured that I’d be better off checking out the net some more after feeling that some of the questions spinning might be alleviated, so up outta bed, tiptoeing so as not to wake the hubby or the cat. The sky is beginning to lighten now, at 6:08, and a walk seems like a good idea. Seems like I might not be able to go for walks for awhile if I end up with PMP, the result of which would be the MOAS, Mother of All Surgeries, otherwise known as "Debulking." Good gosh, but this surgery scares the bugeebers out of me! Like being flayed alive, shake & bake, and then trussed up like a roast. Essentially, when they go in to remove the right portion of your colon and, in my case, the ovaries, they will also strip the linings off of many organs and then run hot chemotherapy into the abdomen, with a doc in there stirring the solution around like a Halloween witch with her kettle. (Okay, doc, no offense! That was meant metaphorically!) Want to learn more about this procedure? Try this link: http://appendix-cancer.com/Cytoreduction%20Surgery.htm. It’s freakin’ SCARY and rocks my confidence.I’m very much praying that I won’t have to have this procedure. However, having a known Stage 2 Goblet Cell Carcenoid Tumor increases the possibility. I’ll know more within 2 weeks, but the waiting is going to kill me in the meantime. My best bet here is to trust that I will be taken care of by the Love around me and to arm myself with knowledge. To live without knowledge is to live with fear, which I believe is the opposite of Love. That’s not going to happen if I can help it. =)I’m still struggling with the decision on whether or not to tell my beautiful music, Realtor and neighborhood friends about my condition. While to do so would alleviate some of my anxiety ‘cause I KNOW that these lovely people would be sending prayers, good vibes and positive mojo my way, I also do not wish to burden anyone, make them uncomfortable or worry them. I know that many people tend to treat the patient differently after finding out, too. I’ve been a weenie in this regard with a neighbor and wanted to call her but was afraid I’d say something inappropriate or stupid to offend her. So, I only went by once with flowers and sent her a “Get Well!” email once or twice. I thought about her a LOT, though, and wish now that I’d just sent a little email note here and there to let her know that I was thinking about her more often than I had. (Luckily, she's a doll and probably never noticed my weirdness.) I lost a high school friend to breast cancer several years ago and went to visit her on her death bed, though. While it was hard, I’m so glad that I went to visit one last time. This was her second battle with breast cancer and this time, it was just too much for her poor little body. When I visited, she was weak, but resigned and ready to go. What a beautiful soul. We just sat and talked and she told me that she wasn’t scared anymore. Then, less than a week later, she was gone. Why Lori, such a beautiful and vibrant spirit? Why so young? I just don't know but she is very much missed.