Friday, August 22

Friday, August 22
I end up napping in my own bed on and off from 8 until about 9:30ish and then get up to start the day. I have three things to do today that will distract me from my problems:
1. Highlight my hair with a 2 step highlighting kit, a long and drawn out process,
2. Research local florist shops to find some who might donate broken rosebuds toward my “Roses for Patients” program, and
3. Go to my 2:30 oncology appointment.
My sister was set to come over this evening for home movies, but I canceled that because of the tension between Jeff and myself. I am still overwrought, feeling quite betrayed, and cannot pretend that everything is okay. Steph offers to come get me and “sweep me away” for dinner and a movie and I’m very happy to accept. So, we make plans for the early show of “Dark Knight” and I get into the bathroom to highlight my hair.
The reason for the highlights is that I won’t be able to do anything brutal to my hair when and if I begin chemo. Plus, I entered the hospital with a bit o’ dark rootage and felt a bit like some sort of refugee, though my manicure and pedicure were perfect. =) I finally finish and emerge from the bathroom smelling like a chemist shop, but newly blonde with natural looking strawberry blonde highlights. Refugee no more!
I research the florists, get the names, addresses, phone numbers and then it’s time for the oncologist’s. Jeff had told me earlier that he didn’t think he could make it to this appointment because of work and, in fact, wondered why I was going at all. He was really worn out when he said this. I explained that Dr. Bala is my first opinion and Dr. Yao will be my second opinion and, if in fact I DO end up doing chemo, it will be dripped into me at Dr. Bala’s office here in Cedar Park, not in Houston. So, though Jeff offers to come with me after all, I decline the offer and ended up driving myself to Dr. Bala’s. I have vowed not to accept any assistance from Jeff unless completely necessary and I will stick to that as much as I can.
(An aside: I do not know how to write about this trouble that Jeff and I are now having, but feel the need to be completely honest in my blog because of the impact that it could have on others in our situation. However, I don’t want to impinge on Jeff’s privacy, either, and you’re only hearing my side of the story, which is never fair. I no longer know how to write about my time in the hospital and about Jeff’s loving treatment of me because Jeff’s version of that time and mine are now SO incongruous, completely at odds. I just can’t believe this is happening, but I will try to be conscious of privacy while relaying the problems that cancer patients and their caregivers might face when battling this crap together.)
Dr. Bala and I sit down to discuss chemo. The best thing that Dr. Bala can compare my rare Oid to is the adenocarcinoid features of colo-rectal cancer. Goblet Cell Carcinoids have two ways of operating, though, so the colo-rectal comparison is sketchy at best. The real worry is the fact that Dr. Basa unwittingly put FOUR rows of staples through the Oid when she operated and cut into it twice. Then, she rinsed my abdominal cavity with a wash of saline and antibiotics, as is usual when doing an appendectomy. She didn’t know that she might've been spreading seed cells all over my ab cavity and I do not blame her for this at all. However, seed cells are the monster in the closet that I am now afraid of. When one cuts into a cancerous tumor, it is possible that seed cells can be released into the abdominal cavity, the peritoneum. Guess what Goblet cells like to nest in? Peritoneal tissues and the surrounding tissues of your organs. With colo-rectal cancer, the recurrence rates are 20-30% for it to come back. However, my brand of cancer doesn’t have much data on it, so it is best to wait to see what Dr. Yao has to say about it over at MD Anderson. Doctor Bala tells me that chemo will only help my chances less than 5%, but then amends that for even less, more like less than 3% because of the Goblet Cell w/ Signet Ring aspects situation. Looks like I will have to talk with Dr. Yao in order to make a final decision. I ask Dr. Bala what SHE would do were she in my shoes and she tells me, laughing, “I’d take the money and go to Europe!” I love her honesty! She tells me that, if she thought that the chemo would do me any good, she’d be begging me to do it, but she doesn’t think that the non-metastisizing sort of threat that I’m under will benefit at all from chemo. It’s just too hard to get the chemo over to the seed cells unless they have already gotten situated into a place where the chemo could find them. Good ‘nuf. I wait 20 minutes to make a follow up appointment for 3 months later, just in case, and then head back home feeling woozy and sweaty. I think I did too much today and hit the sofa when I get home to rest up for the evening with Stephanie.
Sweet Steph comes over right after the sky falls down on Cedar Park and we run off into the rain to Jason’s Deli, next to Alamo Drafthouse. Alamo Drafthouse serves food, wine and beer, but Jason’s Deli has a better selection, so we eat there. The movie is really quite good. Heath Ledger lived up to the hype and was one creeeeepy son of a bitch lunatic in the movie. Job well done! Once we got back to the house, I realized that Jeff and Alex were gone. I called Jeff, got his voicemail and left him this message: “I’ve got a $20.00 in my purse that says that you and Alex are watching “Dark Knight!” Sure enough, Jeff calls back and lets me know that the credits were just rolling at the theater that they went to. Too funny! They come back to the house and we all sit down to a glass of wine to discuss the movie. The evening turns out kinda nice and the tension in the air is lessening to a small degree, which is good. We’ll see what tomorrow brings….